I am obsessed with Hesse!

I often talked at length and in detail about Maria with Hermine, about her hands and shoulders and hips and her way of laughing and kissing and dancing.

“Has she shown you this?” asked Hermine on one occasion, describing to me a peculiar play of the tongue in kissing. I asked her to show it me herself, but she was most earnest in her refusal. “That is for later. I am not your love yet.”

I asked her how she was acquainted with Maria’s ways of kissing and with many secrets as well that could be known only to her lovers.


— Herman Hesse, Steppenwolf


“People are strange, when you’re a stranger, people look different when you’re alone. Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted…” The Doors seem appropriate when you travel through space and time, which I do all day long as an Uber driver. My Corolla skips through the place like a wheel on fire, the radio on and the Doors are always there because Los Angeles is just like any other city, large, testy, over, done. People will soon have only Nestles water to drink, like some third world banana republic.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, “People Are Strange” by the Doors always made me think of Hesse’s Steppenwolf. The lone wolf, who these days my paranoia says is me, is not me. I own nothing but my name and my brain. I can meditate on that, how the lone wolf killings are reprehensible way to be entertained. It’s ghastly. I need a writing partner, somebody who gets my sense of humor. We had a good laugh, film school is a joke. I can cope with many situations since I worked in Costa Rica.

This is what is rolling out of my mind at this time, a semi-robotic expression of marvel and concern. It is a brave new world, but it could just as easily become 1984 all over again. I have a bone to pick with Reagan and so do a lot of people of my generation, the tail end of the baby boomers, raised a child in the sixties, a teen who enjoyed and employed drugs in the seventies, did acid in the eighties, stuck around in the nineties, squeaked by around in the double oughts, and tuckered out in the teens.


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